The Love You Give

I had a bad day with humanity today, a very bad day. I went to the mall. The world after COVID isn’t quite the same, or maybe I’ve just been buried in my house so long that I forgot what the world was like. I had a good reason for the trip. My nine year old son received a movie gift certificate from his aunt and uncle and wanted to take his friend to the movies. I was the chaperone for the two boys. The animated film was quite innocuous and sweet, but as we were about to head home, my son’s friend requested that we stop by the toy store. As the boys wandered around looking at dinosaurs, I witnessed three young women arguing with the store owner. The girls were rough looking. Their heads were shaved. They had piercings all over their bodies and a myriad of tattoos. None of these things bothered me as I have plenty of friends and students that dress in a similar style, but the trail of expletives they let loose in a toy store around small children, put my hair on end. The store owner was asking them to leave because she had caught them in the act of stealing. After screaming a flurry of curse words and displaying a series of lewd hand gestures, they finally left the store. It was quite the scene, as entertaining as the movie, but not in a good way. Anger burned my cheeks even as I tried to act nonchalant. Store owners have desperately fought for their businesses this past year during COVID. They are involved in public service that enrich all of our lives. Witnessing people attempt to steal from small business owners in today’s business climate filled me with rage. My sympathy was clearly in the shopkeeper’s corner. I bought two cheap items for the boys, smiled sympathetically at the shopkeeper and we left the store quickly.

I was feeling on edge after the encounter and anxious to leave the mall, but the boys begged me to stop at the Jurassic Park video game booth. The shooting game was enclosed in a large screening booth and involved massive prehistoric creatures with lashing claws that spent the majority of the game jump scaring players. The booth looked vacant, but just before we reached the game, a couple in their mid-thirties darted in front of us. They were heavy-set and carrying large iced slurpees. I felt the heat of irritation in my cheeks burn hotter. “Okay, boys. We’ll wait for this couple and then it will be your turn.” I spoke loudly, so they’d realize others were waiting to play the game. They settled into the booth and played a game through, but they did not leave the booth. The couple played another game, and yet another as the boys watched and made comments about the game. The woman took out her credit card and paid for several more games. The sheer selfishness of thirty-year-old adults dominating a kid’s game and then allowing the poor boys to watch and wait without yielding them a turn, was beyond selfish. What kind of horrible people would cut in line in front of small children and then not yield them a turn on a video game? I was disgusted. “Boys, we’re leaving now.”

“But, we want to play the game.” Tears filled my son’s friend’s eyes and my child looked at me with a disappointed frown.

“I know, you do, but these people aren’t leaving.”

We had a wonderful time at the movies, but I was fixated on the selfish couple and the horrible young women at the store. “Humanity straight out sucks!” I whispered the words as I started my car engine. Those sentiments summed up the mall.

After dropping off my son’s friend and picking up my older son at home, I confessed to both boys that we had to go to WinCo to buy groceries. I was exhausted and didn’t want to go, but my refrigerator was on empty. This was a necessary outing. In truth, I dreaded the trip. Winco is like Walmart on steroids. Every social ill in our society is prominently on display in a grocery store that caters to the poorest of the poor, but I love the savings. With two growing boys in my household, Winco saves me nearly $400 a month, so I’ve learned to view my trips to the store as a necessary evil. The boys groaned, but after bribing them with candy and one of my kidneys if they should ever need one, I got them to agree to get into the car.

Winco did not fail to live up to its reputation. As we walked down the beverage aisle a woman in a fur leopard print jacket in her mid-forties walked unsteadily in heels toward us from the other side of the aisle. Keep in mind, it’s the middle of the summer and about 90 degrees outside and she’s wearing a fur jacket. She looked stoned out of her mind and was accompanied by a 70 year old man in a stained wife beater tank top with exceptionally pale scrawny arms. She was mumbling and singing as she walked the aisles, her eyes tracking the merchandise aimlessly. The old man frowned and barked orders at her authoritatively as they conspicuously walked in our direction. I took my nine year old by the hand and ushered him to the far side. I averted my eyes. Just don’t make eye contact, I repeated in a quiet thought loop. I gave my grown son a look. Stay clear of these weirdos. A good looking twenty-something man had his back turned and almost ran into the woman. “Sorry,” he said reflexively. He took a moment to register her unsteady walking and unintelligible reply and then quickly pushed his shopping cart along. He glanced at me as he passed and gave me a knowing look. Just another Winco weirdo, his eyes seemed to say. I stifled a smile.

The checkout lines were beyond crowded. I prayed that I chose the best line. The checker was one I recognized. I didn’t know his name, but he was good. He was an African American man in his fifties who was always friendly and projected competence. He was fast, accurate, professional and sociable. I was amazed at how quickly he could move the line. I wondered why he worked at Winco. It seemed like he could run a company with his skill set. The woman in front of us had two full shopping carts. She must own a restaurant, I thought. I considered finding a new line, but the other lines looked as crowded as the one I was in and those lines didn’t have the amazing check out guy. I turned around and saw the leopard jacket woman and the old man behind us. Oh great! I moaned inwardly. We were trapped.

I hyper focused my attention on my groceries and was relieved when within minutes, it was already our turn at the check stand. I continued to watch the woman and old man from the corner of my eye, on guard for erratic behavior. My boys grabbed the grocery bags and walked to the other end of the check stand to bag our groceries. I made pleasant conversation with the checker, paid my bill and then walked over to my boys and joined them in bagging the rest of the groceries. I surreptitiously watched as the woman in the fur jacket finished shakily unloading her groceries and approached the checker. What I saw next astounded me. The checker gave her a beautiful smile and looked her in the eye. I could see that he knew her. They made some pleasantries and he said something that made her laugh. The woman who had seemed almost zombie like in the beverage aisle was a changed woman. Her eyes sparkled with life and the checker looked at her with a face and mannerism that I can only describe as the embodiment of full acceptance and love. I looked at her and thought, She actually looks beautiful. Her face and her mannerisms changed when this man looked at her. He engaged in the same friendly banter with the old man. His face visibly relaxed and he even managed a smile. The checker had been polite and courteous with me, but with this woman and the old man, there was an exceptional kindness, an effort to show interest and compassion, almost like he saw their pain and suffering and wanted to ease it in some small way. I was genuinely humbled.

Human beings can be truly terrible, unlovable, and even despicable in their behavior toward each other and even how we treat ourselves. When I think about the women at the toy store or the middle aged couple, their actions are yet another reminder that the world is broken and no policy, or great idea is going to fix a broken human condition. Yet, the Winco checker reminded me of the awesome power and transformation that can take place when we view each other under the lens of love. Today, I allowed my frustration with a few individuals to color my view of all of humanity and turn me into a cynic. I forgot who I am, a sinner myself and a Christ follower. When we encounter broken people, and we are all broken, I will try to reserve my judgement and condemnation and instead recognize the deep pain and brokenness in all of us, our incredible need for healing and love. I will instead reflect on what Jesus imparted to his follower. This is my commandment, That you love one another, as I have loved you (John 15:12). As I reflect on my messy divorce and my own journey toward healing, I will try to focus on the restorative power of genuine love and acceptance. I do not believe its power can be overstated. For my part, I will try not to add my own anger to the problem and instead focus on being a part of the solution.