Love and Loss
As I write this blog, my heart grieves. My sister has lost a husband and our whole family has lost our rock. Matt was taken from us in a tragic car accident just a few short days ago. My brother in law was the steady person in our family: calm, measured, kind, and loyal to a fault. He was the perfect partner to my sister and I am beyond grateful for who he was in her life. He was committed to his family, a steady and caring husband and father. Matt was a high school history teacher for over 26 years and he loved his work. The legacy he leaves behind was one of giving to others. Every day our family is learning a little more about the impact he had on the lives of the thousands of students and colleagues who regarded him as a coach, teacher, mentor, and friend. We have our own stories of course and we realize this loss is beyond comprehension.
When such a tragedy takes place, it is easy to fall to despair. But there is a hope because of the kind of man Matt was and the choices he made in life. We believe he is at peace and with Jesus. For Matt, there is no more pain and sorrow, but only the completeness of being one with God. “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away” (Revelations 21:4). I believe this is the peace, God offers us when we choose to live an upright life, one that reflects the glory of God and is focused on the good of others rather than selfish desires or pride. We will never be perfectly righteous, but we choose our paths and we either move closer to God or further away. The legacy of a righteous life, like Matt’s, gives incredible comfort to a grieving family. Although he was not perfect, he lived a life of meaning and purpose. There is comfort in knowing that the kindness he showed towards others matters and will continue to live on in their lives. The fruits of a good life continue and grow in the life of others and this is a beacon of hope in a dark world.
As our family gathered together and told stories about Matt. We were awed and inspired by his life and his legacy. We could not stop crying and grieving as we remembered Matt’s numerous good qualities and how much each one of us wanted to be more like Matt. I want to be more measured and more slow to anger, like he was. I want to be a steady and supportive figure in the lives of my children and students just as he was. I want to likewise extend the love of my family to those grieving and hurt like he did for me and my children. None of us can imagine a world without Matt in it.
When tragedy strikes, it often opens up the chasm of hurts and pains we have buried deep inside. Losing Matt, reminds me of the loss of my own husband, although through very different circumstances. I find myself drudging through the bottom of an emotional sewer pipe as I try to come to terms with the different forms of loss. When I lost my husband, there was an abundance of ugliness and bad feeling. In addition to losing my marriage, I was left with a dark legacy of sin and brokenness that infiltrated every aspect of my life. The grace of God and good people helped me heal. Matt, however, leaves us with a legacy of hope. I would not wish the loss of a loved one on anyone, but there is a peace that comes from losing someone who truly understood the heart of their faith and lived it through their actions. I can only hope to live my life in the same way.
