40 Years in the Desert
One of the greatest spiritual challenges of our lives is to find a way to age gracefully. What does aging gracefully even mean? In my younger days, I thought the term referred to a willingness to accept graying hair, finding and making peace with our aging bodies and accepting our growing limitations. But aging gracefully is much more than an acceptance of our physical reality. From a spiritual standpoint aging gracefully is really about finding grace for ourselves and others because we have found peace with God.
I often struggle with finding grace for others, especially those whose choices cause suffering for those around them. When I encounter selfish, destructive people, my knee-jerk reaction is to move immediately toward disdain and often snap judgements. I find myself a bit Old Testament in this regard. I’d like people who hurt others to pay for their crimes, to do penance for the pain they have caused. But in all honesty, my predisposition toward justice can make me a rather unpleasant person to be around. A focus on consequences without compassion creates a blind spot, one that has at times made me the kind of person that casts judgement on others rather than focusing my attention on improving myself. This path has taken me way off course from the core of my faith in Jesus. Christianity holds a powerful tenet, one that we sometimes forget. “All have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23. We are all sinful, imperfect, and prone towards harming each other.
One of the greatest gifts of my divorce, was learning in full depth the extent of my imperfections. As I struggled through rejection, loneliness and hurt, I saw many ugly qualities in myself. I needed to forgive, but I chose to be angry. I needed to act mature and I behaved like a child. I needed to maintain clear and distinct boundaries in my personal and professional life yet those lines were a smudgey, blurry mess. I was not the paragon of virtue. Before I found my way to the spiritual high ground, I had to walk through many valleys and chasms and it wasn’t always pretty, but it was good. I was a child of God making my way through the desert, learning to trust in God even when there seemed to be no hope on the horizon.
The Israelites spent 40 years in the desert before they reached the Promised Land. The God of all creation who could divide the Red Sea could certainly have led the people to the Promised Land with ease if he wanted, but for some reason he allowed his children, whom he loved, to wander and struggle. The years were harsh filled with privation, grumbling, pain, disobedience, rebellion, and repentance. By the end of their struggle the Israelites were still imperfect and flawed, but they were truly children of God. Their 40 years in the desert taught them to identify as people of God, to trust their heavenly father for their daily needs and to seek his will every day.
We have all experienced time in the desert fighting to make sense of our grief, pain and sorrow. In the desert, we discover the limitations or our own resources and our great need for Him. Some of us, like Moses himself, may never enter the Promised Land at least while on this earth, but every person has the opportunity to walk with God and to discover their purpose and calling through a relationship with Jesus. Although living in the desert is challenging and painful, the desert is also where one goes to experience the power of God in ways beyond our imagining. In the desert, God divided a raging sea, provided manna for his people, water from a rock, and gifted his people with the stone tablets, the word of God. It was in the desert, that God’s people learned their true identity and their place with God. The path to hope and promise was carved through a desert.
Trusting in God when you’re in pain isn’t easy, and you will need food for your journey. Allow your sorrow to lead you to a humble place before God and seek his will for your life in prayer. As the Apostle Paul tells us, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death (2 Corinthians 7:10).” Sorrow is only a chapter in your story and with faith, God can turn that chapter that started in sorrow and end it in triumph. The choice is always yours.
