Getting Real
As a kid, I loved the song Jack and Diane by John Mellencamp. The upbeat melody disguised what was truly a melancholy ballad. Somewhere along the road of mid-life, I heard the tune on my car radio and actually paid attention to the lyrics. One phrase in particular struck me: Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Jack and Diane were the quintessential popular high school couple, both beautiful and athletic. However, after high school, they discovered the best was not yet to come. They would spend the rest of their days living in the past where the height of their glory days was captured in the image of eating ice cream in the parking lot of a Tastee Freez. Ah, those were the good old days. Time would reveal the cracks in their relationship, their human frailties. The broken dreams of their unfulfilled potential would lead them on the path of fading beauty, flabby bodies, meaningless careers, and the loss of joy for living period. For many, this worldview sums up our deepest fears about our lives. We have a short period of beauty and youth, some of us anyway, and then an agonizing slow decline towards death and despair. God, why did you sign me up for this? Is this really what life is?
Despair and hopelessness often follow us when we are living a life resistant to spiritual growth and change. The years leading up to my divorce were probably the most difficult and painful of my life. I was working overtime to live in denial, clinging to my storybook marriage and the image of a perfect Christian life with the tenacity of a warrior. Perhaps I was not unlike Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane, in love more with the image of myself rather than willing to allow God to shape my life. What I found in my own pursuit of a happy life was a fierce denial of the truth and a profound emptiness. I was so alone, afraid even to admit the truth to God. The relationships in my life began to ring hollow and it was fully my fault. I began to talk a lot about politics. I had many principled ideas about education and the direction of western civilization. Looking back now, I realize this was a way for me to carry on conversation with others without ever getting real. I could participate in the game without ever showing my cards. I could be invulnerable.
For those of you who like to discuss politics, don’t get me wrong, I can still fully enjoy a good political debate once in awhile, but sometimes “talking politics” or as I like to call it, repeating talking points from the news agency of your choice, can be a pretty good defense. Politics can be our armor, a way to stand firm, when we really need to make ourselves vulnerable to others. Is it any wonder why so few people change their opinions when it comes to politics. We have already chosen our sides and are engaging in battle. A godly life is different and it’s centered around the truth. What is the truth? We are vulnerable and we need to let God shape us rather than the other way around.
The truth is what leads us to growth, but if we deny the fundamental truths in our lives, we are stuck. Those of us like Jack and Diane, can stay stuck for a very long time. But, it doesn’t have to be this way and living a purposeful life really starts with one concept: Getting real.
In short the first of the ten commandments is to love God and the second is to love others. There is no love for God without loving each other. We are meant to be in relationship with others and those relationships need to be real. They should inspire us, encourage us, challenge us, and spur us on toward growth. Something broke inside of me after my marriage failed. At first, I thought it was my pride, which indeed it probably was, but it was also my sense of decorum, my need to be perfect. From that point on, something very strange happened. For those who were still willing to call me friend, they were introduced to the real Debby. The real me is honestly a bit of a mess. I don’t have things together. I make major parenting mistakes and often say the exactly wrong thing. I have a slightly disturbed sense of humor. Like you, I’m trying to grow and understand this weird life the best I can. My Christian faith has not solved all my problems, but the friendships I have now are deeper, more healing and more rewarding than anything I experienced up to this point.
We do not have to be Jack and Diane. Living a full, meaningful life even into old age is completely possible and should be expected for those of us who are dedicated to seeking truth and walking with God. In my own walk with the Lord, I am never a hamster in a cage, stuck in a rotating wheel going nowhere. I am always being challenged in every new situation to grow and learn. I make mistakes and there are times I even get it right. I am breathing, living, and moving in the spirit and it’s an action packed ride. When you’re in a relationship with Jesus, the thrill of living is never gone.
