Garden Variety Christians
Real spiritual friendship is eagerly helping one another know, serve, love, and resemble God in deeper and deeper ways.
—Tim Keller
My grandfather was an eclectic gardener. I remember as a child that he had flowers growing everywhere in the front of his and my grandmother’s house. There was no rhyme or reason to his garden and it was a bit wild. He just loved the flowers and wanted to see them grow. As a child, I would talk to him as he watered his garden and he would tell me the names of all the plants: iris, rose, lazy Susan, hydrangea, rhododendron, azaleas, gladiolus, sunflowers, dahlias, and my favorite snapdragons. When I was alone, I could get lost in the garden pretending I was in a mystical fantastical land. These are beautiful memories that contain something of the essence of my childhood. I have not yet become a gardener myself, but I feel like if I ever retire one day, I can see myself taking up the family tradition like my grandfather and my father, who also has the same passion for eclectic gardening. I would not have an orderly garden. I will plant flowers only because I think they’re beautiful and I won’t care about trying to control or plan my garden too carefully, but only nurturing the lives of my plants and allowing them to take root and grow as suits them. My grandfather taught me this.
The garden is a healing space, a place of growth and beauty. In this sense, it is a lovely metaphor for Christian friendship or the church itself, a place where people of all walks of life gather together to create something splendid and beautiful. This is the ideal, but we seem to mess it up often enough along the way. Churches have become incredibly divisive places in the United States and true friendships are rare. One cannot help but wonder if our inability to find unity in Christ is a contributor to Christianity’s current decline in the western world. I have seen my own share of division, heartbreak, and despair sow discord in Christian friendships and churches. I also have struggled to find peace with others especially when I believe the ministry of churches or the fruit of friendships might actually be doing more spiritual damage than good, as well as I can determine such things in my own flawed state. However, I was also incredibly blessed in my life to find friends that loved me in a selfless way and nurtured me when I was in despair. I was a dying plant and they poured love and goodness into me. In this blog, I will focus on one spiritual truth that I do believe can contribute to healing in Christian friendships and Christian churches.
It is important to know one’s own gifts and to use them to glorify God, but it is equally, if not more important to value and cherish the gifts of others and to support our Christian brothers and sisters in their callings to serve the Lord.
The apostle Paul referred to the church as a body of believers, a physical, living, breathing body. In Romans 12, Paul lays out the ideal vision of what the church should look like. “For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.” The church is a place where everyone can serve and use their gifts. In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, he also explained the divisive and dangerous tendency of our human nature, to focus so much on our own gifts, that we forget to work in tandem with the body. “The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” I believe Paul’s teaching here in 1 Corinthians 12:21-26 underscores the crisis we are now seeing in churches and human relationships. In an increasingly self-focused society, we are struggling to see and recognize value in others.
As a survivor of infidelity and a broken marriage, I am sensitive to this topic. I know firsthand what it feels like to feel decimated and insignificant. I have been hungry for love and affirmation. Human relationships have a tendency to become insular. We become comfortable with a small group of friends, our own needs are met, and we stop reaching out to others on the outside. Christianity, however, is an evangelical faith. We are called to reach out to others. Our world is broken. People are desperate for connection, care, love, and meaningful relationships. People in the midst of a storm are especially hungry. Whatever your spiritual gift, the one theme that applies to all spiritual gifts is we’re supposed to use them for God and that means bringing other people in, not pushing them out. One way to reach out is to open our eyes to appreciate the gifts of others around us. Allow others to minister to you. Keep your mind and heart open. The most beautiful gardens contain a wide range of plants splendid in their variety of shapes and colors.
