Wolves and Sheep
The second book is finally complete. I am wiping the sweat off my brow and sighing with relief, but I’m also so excited. Writing The Gambler’s Wife was a completely different experience than my first novel. I was more confident about the writing process, but a sophomore novel opens the door to a lot of self-doubt. Am I really a writer? What if there was just one book in me? We all have moments where we feel like we might be faking it till we make it, but at the end of the day we have to follow where we believe God is leading and leave the anxiety at the door. That’s at least what I’m trying to do. Many friends and readers have asked me, What is your next book about?
I will confess that I’ve been a little cagey with this question. I love to write realistic stories about honest struggles whether it be divorce, addiction, loss, or trauma and how a relationship with Christ offers a real world solution. The Gambler’s Wife took me over two years to write, so it wasn’t exactly a cakewalk. In fact I often hashed out each chapter while wrestling with my own questions about faith. Don’t get me wrong, the novel is an inspirational, mystery romance and there is plenty of light hearted humor and fun in the narrative, but I wouldn’t be the kind of writer I am without exploring deeper themes. This book explores some of the struggles in our congregations today, specifically church hurt. The church as we know it is dying. We are facing a startling decline. We must ask ourselves why.
Over the years I have witnessed the incredible testimony of dozens of people whose lives have been changed after making a decision to follow Jesus. But many of my friends, family, and loved ones have chosen to turn away from the church and in some cases reject faith in Jesus. Christians often assume that non-Christians are unchurched people who have simply never heard the Gospel story, but after years in the ministry, I don’t believe this is the case for most people. After research and interviews with dozens of people in their 40s to 50s for this book, I believe that childhood church trauma provides a window into our current church crisis.
As an example of this phenomenon, I look to my own alma mater. I attended a Christian mission school for most of my k-12 years The school educated and housed children from six different missions and a variety of Christian denominations. A few years ago, the school made a public statement admitting to repeated abuses that had taken place in the 1950s- 80s. The school hired professionals to lead an investigation, carry out interviews, and began a plan for reparation and healing to reach out to the hundreds of victims who courageously shared their stories. The school didn’t reveal many specific details with the public, but among the testimonies victims reported incidents of molestation, bullying, harassment, rape, and violence. According to victims, abuses were initiated by faculty toward students. This was not a case of one rogue faculty member, but several over decades, abusers who found a safe hiding place to commit a multitude of crimes against children. I heard a few personal testimonies from classmates who either suffered abuse themselves or witnessed abuse.
These children were left with a horrible legacy of religious abuse and a challenging road to recovery. Recently, the victims were given the opportunity to tell their stories and to be validated by the school alumni community, but 40 and 50 years later, most of the abusers were already deceased. This was a case of too little, too late.
Sin is real and even Christians struggle. Churches, schools, organizations, etc. can become a place where the hierarchy protects abusers rather than victims. Nothing is more devastating to a young believer than witnessing or experiencing abuse at the hands of those who claim the love of Christ and to add insult to injury the reality of feeling forced into silence. I cannot imagine how alone these victims felt and it pains me that I sat next to them in class, in the cafeteria, on field trips and failed to see their suffering because the sins were committed in the dark.
We might be tempted to believe that these kind of events are uncommon and that today’s church bears no responsibility for the abuses of the past. I disagree. Too many of us in the faith have witnessed and experienced abusive behavior and we have seen the serious spiritual consequences. How many of the abused children at my Christian mission school grew up to practice their faith today? Not many. Most decided to walk away and it is hard to blame them. The church carries a dark legacy because of the buried sins of the past.
Is there a solution to complex problems like this one? I do not have the answers, but I believe the road to understanding and healing centers around a balance between incredible faith in the power of God coupled with deep humility regarding our human capacity for evil. Discernment is an important biblical principle. Jesus tells us the tares grow alongside the wheat (Matthew 13:24-30). We are sent out as sheep among wolves. Likewise, he tells us to be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16). We are warned to recognize the ravenous wolves who come to us in sheep’s clothing and the false prophets who we will know by their fruit (Matthew 7:15-20). We must never forget Jesus was betrayed by the kiss of a dear friend (Luke 22:47). All these scriptures point to the reality of those who pretend to be our friends, but in truth work to destroy us, those who claim to know God yet strive for worldly and sinful things, those who pretend to seek God, but strive to control and abuse those around them.
Ultimately, we should not be surprised when those with evil intentions seek out the church like a beacon with the deliberate plan of disguising their sins under the church’s cover of holiness. The church can provide a false righteousness, a squeaky clean image that doesn’t necessarily reflect reality and this may be exactly what the unrighteous seek to gain legitimacy as they feed and nurture the unchecked sin in their lives. Undiscerning people can find themselves following wolves rather than the true shepherd and this always leads to disillusionment.
The numerous tares and wolves among us can tempt us to abandon our faith, to believe that true Christians don’t really exist. When we are at our worst, we all fall short of our Christian ideals. At times even those who love God can lose their centering in who Jesus is and follow pride and ego. We can easily become the predator that devours rather than one who encourages others in the spirit of God if we stop seeking God. But, I am reminded of the humble people I know who diligently seek the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Galatians 5:22-23). Dedicated Christians are far from perfect, but they are committed to Christ and when they fail they are honest about their struggles. They earnestly seek the wisdom of God in their lives. Do not be discouraged, my friend, by the tares and wolves. They have always been with us. Focus on your own relationship with Jesus and seek truth and the fruits of the spirit in your own life. Avoid the temptation of building your faith around a person, you will always be disappointed. Put your faith in Jesus.
